"Homesick" by MercyMe

You're in a better place, I've heard a thousand times
And at least a thousand times I've rejoiced for you
But the reason why I'm broken, the reason why I cry
Is how long must I wait to be with you

I close my eyes and I see your face
If home's where my heart is then I'm out of place
Lord, won't you give me strength to make it through somehow
I've never been more homesick than now

Help me Lord cause I don't understand your ways
The reason why I wonder if I'll ever know
But, even if you showed me, the hurt would be the same
Cause I'm still here so far away from home

In Christ, there are no goodbye
And in Christ, there is no end
So I'll hold onto Jesus with all that I have
To see you again
To see you again

And I close my eyes and I see your face
If home's where my heart is then I'm out of place
Lord, won't you give me strength to make it through somehow
Won't you give me strength to make it through somehow
Won't you give me strength to make it through somehow

I've never been more homesick than now

i fell for it

i couldn't believe it. on saturday, i was working at IGA (my first 'official' supervisor shift). it was really slow, which was good, because i really didn't know what i was doing. barb was the other supervisor, and she had to go to the back and do stuff, so i was left alone with all the responsibilities of running the front end. i felt very important. so then the phone ran and i answered. some guy wanted to talk to our manager. so i successfully put the customer on hold and paged the manager that he had a phone call. then another call came in. this customer wanted to pick up 15 fruit baskets before close (which was in an hour). i figured that they were already ordered and he wanted to pick them up. i couldn't see them anywhere so i said i'd look into that. then he burst out laughing and said, "you think you're actually going to get 15 baskets done in an hour?" You see, it turns out that it was the Produce guy (the one who actually makes the fruit baskets) calling. Once he finished laughing he said, "i was actually calling to tell you that the manager went home already." I didn't think i was so gullible....actually, you know i guess i did. so that was my 'not-so-funny-for-me' story for the weekend.

my thoughts

i am reading the book, "The Knowledge of the Holy" by A.W. Tozer. Each chapter starts off with a prayer, and yesterday i read the chapter about the Trinity. It was very thought provoking. but anyways, this is the prayer that he wrote:

"God of our fathers, enthroned in light, how rich, how musical is the tongue of England! Yet when we attempt to speak forth Thy wonders, our words how poor they seem and our speech how unmelodious. When we consider the fearful mystery of Thy Triune Godhead we lay our hand upon our mouth. Before that burning bush we ask not to understand, but only that we may fitly adore Thee, One God in Persons Three. Amen."

I read that and was deeply touched. I found it so eloquent and beautiful. I read it over and over and realized that no human-made language can EVER come close to encompassing the character or attributes of God, no matter how eloquent it is. Our thoughts are limited by our language. And since our language is limited when it comes to describing something as huge as God, so are our thoughts. I found that so intriguing.

yeah so now i'm talking to marce on the phone....WE MIGHT LEAD SINGING IN CHURCH FOR EASTER!!! yeah!! so exciting!

the near future

does it ever scare you to think about how much responsibility we could potentially have in 3-4 years? I was just thinking about that today, and i got.....scared. i could be a nurse in 3 years, and that comes with tons of responsibility. No matter what your future profession may be, or even if you don't have a specific profession, you could still be a spouse, or parent, or who knows what, in a few years. That freaks me out more than anything else. In my one class today, we were talking about being socialized into our different roles in life, specifically in the workplace. There is definitely a process, and I know that I'm just at the beginning. I guess once i've been trained, and have some experience, it won't scare me as much. I guess my realization was that the slope of my learning curve will definitely increase a great deal in these next few years, and i hope it never reaches a plateau. May we all strive to be life long learners in every aspect of our lives.

i love soup!

right now i'm eating cream of celery soup with cooked veggies in it. Mmmmmm, is it ever good. i'm really distracted by it. too bad i can't type and eat soup at the same time. i guess i could type with one hand...but then i'd be here forever. so instead, i will pause in between each sentence to eat some more soup!! Yummy! OK, i finished the bowlful now. on to more exciting things. yesterday was an amazing day! i came to the city right after church with james, melissa, abe, rick, and barb. it was good to hang out with them again. it had been awhile. we went to club regent to see the walk-through fish aquarium. it was sooooooo cool. it was such a beautiful place to see. then we went out for supper at Applebee's. then we went rollarblading at a rollar rink. Barb and Abe and I even tried rollar skating. man is that difficult. i felt like my feet were going in two different directions. yeah...what a day it was. i have many thoughts, but i want to get another bowl of soup. see ya around!

"Carrie loves Jeff" and so do I!

today was not one of my better days. Last night, Kendra and I went to Prov to visit people. It was so good. It went much better than i expected...well, except for a run in with a certain over-friendly person. This morning we left around 7:30 in the morning so that I could get to work for 9:00. well, don't you know, about 10 minutes into our drive home, I lost control and spun around in circles and ended up in the ditch. Yup, sure did. So, we shoveled and pushed and nothing happened. We had taken the gravel short cut to the highway....a road that NOBODY ever drives along. So, we prayed that either we'd get out, or that some one would come and help us. Well, some dude came and gave us a ride back to Prov (he had a sticker in his car that said "Carrie loves Jeff"...thus the title). Once we got to Prov, we got a maintenance guy to pull us out with his truck. Yes Marce, it was a big Dodge truck. So, I ended up being an hour and a half late for work. but in the words of Sue (from prov) "that can happen to even the most experienced driver"! Mad Props to the two guys who helped us out and to Kendra and Morden who trusted me to drive the rest of the way home afterwards. And snap your fingers in thanks to Jesus who was looking out for us!! So, that was my day. I hope your day was far better than mine was.

Frankenstein

i feel like Frankenstein. Ok, maybe not that bad. I got two moles removed today and my first stitches ever! Now I can faintly feel the freezing wearing off. I'm scared that it's going to hurt lots. I don't want it to hurt. I want to play hockey today!! I had a good chat with the doctor though. He was telling me about South Africa (his homeland) and how medical issues, and the way they practice medicine are very different there than here. It was quite intriguing. He told me that the average lifespan for the people there was around the late 30's early 40's. Whereas here, we have alot of older people (80-100 year olds), which brings a whole different set off medical problems. Here more people have strokes and heart attacks and cancer. In South Africa, he said that alot of people have AIDS or HIV and TB. People don't get old enough there to die of cancer or heart attacks. It was quite the intense conversation for 8:00 in the morning. Well, I want to go back to sleep now. I'm tired.

the day after

well, i guess i survived another Valentine's Day. jk! I don't think it's that bad. There is something wonderful about the atmosphere of Valentines Day. It seems that people seem to overlook the worst and put it all aside and focus on the love that they have for a person. Why can't we do that every day of the year? (sorry, I promised myself i wouldn't go into my spiel about why i think Valentine's day is pointless.) But there are things that I enjoyed this year. Here are my top 5 hilights of this valentine's day.

5. I worked all evening, so I got to observe many men (and boys) come through my checkout with last minute gifts, flowers, chocolate, strawberries and whipped cream, heart-shaped cakes and cards ;) After seeing some people's purchases, I had to laugh.
4. I had some cute old men wish me a happy valentine's day. That made me happy!!
3. My friend Steve from the Produce Dept gave me a chocolate covered strawberry! That made my day!
2. I had a customer come through my checkout with a heartshaped cake that he was buying for his fiance and he said, "man, this is the worst day of the year. But I guess it could be worse." That was also pretty funny.
1. My mom bought me flowers!! Thanx Mutti you're the best!

so that wraps up another valentine's day. I love you all. and i might even tell you that again in a year if you're nice to me.

borrowed words

i'm going to play a game, (I think they do this on 'Who's Line is it Anyways?') I'm going to speak in song titles...actually no. I'm going to change the rules. I'm going to speak in lyrics from songs. I'm kind of out of words, so maybe if I borrow other people's I can put something together to portray what I'm feeling right now.

"Who am I, that the eyes that see my sin/Would look on me with love and watch me rise again" (Who am I by Casting Crowns)

"I set out on a narrow way many years ago/Hoping I would find true love along the broken road/But I got lost a time or two/Wiped my brow and kept pushing through/I couldn't see how every sign pointed straight to you" (Bless the Broken Road by Rascal Flatts)

"Cause I'm not who I was/When I took my first step/And I'm clinging to the promise/You're not through with me yet" (If you want me to by Ginny Owens)

"All I need is Your love/To come and fill this heart of mine/My heart is a desert that has gone dry/And I need Your love to carry me by" (All I need by Shawn McDonald)

"In my heart I don't know/Where this path will lead me/But I know I'm letting go 'cause.../I'm tired, I'm tired of running alone/I give You everything, my heart, my hope, my dreams" (Everything by LaRue)

"And it will feel like summertime/When I'm by your side, my skies are blue/And I will feel this everytime/Like oceans wide, my love for you" (Summertime by LaRue)

Wasn't that a fun game? I thought so.

same topic, different day

here is a quote I read today:

"It is not the goal but the way there that matters, and the harder the way the more worthwhile the journey." -Wilfred Thesiger

I usually focus on my goals in life and forget that the process is just as important. (I know, I know, I talked about this yesterday, but it's still on my mind.) I guess my new revelation for the day (as basic as it is) is that today really DOES matter. If I spend my time wishing I could be doing what I can only do in 3 years, I am wasting my time today. I need to remember to focus on the things that I can only do today. I don't want to miss opportunities that I have now because I'm focussed on what I want to do in a few years. Of course, I also need to look into the future and choose a path that will get me to where I want to end up. But, God does a good job of getting us to the places we should be, whether we want to be or not.

It was good to get my thoughts out. whether they made sense to anyone else or not, doesn't really matter to me.

inspirations, dreams, and reality

this weekend was a very uplifting weekend for me. We had an amazing speaker in church. and I was once again inspired to be a missionary nurse. I know that "you don't need to go oversea's to be a missionary." At the same time, somebody has go out there and meet the needs of people around the world and tell them about the Good News. When I think about the possibility of using my profession as a way to directly show God's love to people, it makes me super excited! At the same time, I think about the time it will take to get me to that point, and I get discouraged. I just want to go now. I guess the journey is just as important as the destination...isn't there a saying like that? (I probably said it all wrong, though.)
My final thoughts for the day: Life is full of ironic twists and turns. I love it how God just throws random things in our lives when we least expect it.

"I'm leaving on a jet plane"....I wish

My dad left for Nicaragua yesterday. I'm very excited for him. He is a part of a team from our church. (I think there are 7 other people going as well.) They will be helping build a classroom and workshop building for the "Children at Risk" project. I think it's already been started, but they will be continuing on the roof, tile floor, windows, electrical installation and painting under the direction of a local contractor. Please keep them in your prayers.

I have the itch to travel somewhere....maybe Europe, Mexico, Florida. I don't really care where...just somewhere either very warm, or quaint. Kendra and I are so eager to go somewhere that we've been looking for cheap flights to anywhere. I wish I had the money! Oh well, someday once I'm rich and famous I'll have summer cottages all over the world and invite you all to come and visit me. In my dreams.....Isn't it nice to dream?

Irrational worries

sometimes i worry too much. when i am anticipating something, i usually think up the worst possible scenario and then worry that it will actually happen. Isn't that ridiculous?! It does now that I say it out loud to myself. Wow, that's really silly of me. As if I didn't have enough things to think about, now I just start making up problems for myself to worry about. That's really sad. I can't believe I just admitted that 'in public'. Well, I guess the first step is admitting you have a problem, eh? ha! ha!
Have a great week!
(And remember to cheer for the Patriots on Sunday!)

can you give a thought a name?

my latest bad habit is to say things (that may be true or valid), to the wrong people. you know when you have an opinion about a certain thing, but it's just not the appropriate time or place to say it....yup, that's when i always open my big mouth. I actually haven't done that in a couple of weeks, but there have been so many times these past couple of weeks that I have been pretty close. Maybe i should just forget about those things and distract myself so i don't think about that anymore.

Do you know what I realized this weekend? How much we emphasize.....(now how can i say this without sounding like a horrible christian?).....we christians often emphasize the love of God and how much He sacrificed for us, too much. Now, I'm not saying that it isn't true. God does love us abundantly and unconditionally. "not because of what I've done, but because of who You are." That is the most amazing kind of love that a person will ever find, and it's something that we should never forget. My beef is that often that message comes across sounding like this life is all about us, when it totally isn't. In reality, God created us for Himself. God sent Jesus to reconcile us to God for Himself as well as us. We sometimes forget that. I don't mean to undermine the love of God, nor do I mean to make God sound selfish, but really, He's God!! And He's a jealous God. We'd be fools to think that this life was about anything less than HIM! God, help me not to live my life for myself, because that's not what it's all about.