TL + GA + OR + JT = a great time!

Okay, so JT isn't an accepted nursing abbreviation...(it actually stands for Josh Turner)....but I had to throw that in there. So I was in the OR today, and got to watch a Tubal Ligation (a woman getting her tubes tied)...and they had the radio going and what was playing? Good old country music!! I tell ya, I felt right at home! It was a fun time...It's amazing what they can all do! I'm still amazed!
But enough of that...I need to work now...I'll tell you the details another time...if you really want to know ;)

keefurb

first day back at school: catching up with people with dark tans....*jealous face*....and the realization starts to kick in that yes, deadlines are a big deal....and I have more than a few looming this week. well, I have a day off tomorrow...it'll all get done...
in words of good old Keith Urban (who's singing to me right now) "life's for living child, can't you see. these are the days we will remember, and these are the times that won't come again. the highest of flames becomes an ember. you gotta live them while you can."
and sometimes i guess we have to do things the hard way...

Falsch-hawk Fritz

Well, Valentines Day was fun...picking out flowers for the male customers who were doing their last minute shopping and didn't know what to get their girlfriends....I have to laugh every time! Then there was the making of sturdy men (like Falsch-hawk Fritz, and Suspender Stefan)! Great times! The week is half over, and I'm left to wonder when I'm ever going to get my homework done? Well, I suppose I could do some now instead of fooling around on the computer of mine...okay, off I go...hope you had a great v-day! 

"The greatest discovery in the universe...

...is the greatest love in the universe - God's Love" (-Max Lucado)
With Valentine's day around the corner, I've been thinking about love and not just romantic love. I think Valentine's day should be more than celebrating romantic love...it should be a celebration of every kind of love whether it be between an acqaintance, a bosom friend, your family, your significant other, and of course, you and God (it's like "Rye-ah", "Ah-havah", and "Doad" love)...Sorry I don't know how to spell those words.

So it's home time now... it should be exciting...I get to work, see my family, have a blood test, do homework, go skiing, and hopefully go to Prov sometime in between. It'll be nice to have some "time off".

3 times a bridesmaid, never a bride...

...unless you're a bridesmaid 7 times...so the legend goes. But they also say 'all good things three times'...except in German (and I don't know how that goes exactly).
On the wedding topic: It was super fun, beautiful and very Holly-and-Phil-ish. I decided that I want my wedding to be very me-and-whoever-ish. Since I don't know who 'whoever' is...I guess I can't plan yet....like I have time for that!
Right now I'm listening to a song that Marce sent me, called "I can't wait"...wow, what a great song! It talks about how we are the Bride of Christ and Jesus is the Groom. It talks about how we are engaged to him. The chorus says: "I can't wait for our wedding day to come. Let me see your face, let me feel your arms of love." Having had the opportunity this past year, to be with 3 very special brides as they prepared for their wedding day, I've seen the excitment and the glow of a bride when the day FINALLY arrives...and that's how we should be with Jesus. Longing, like a bride for her groom, for him to come. Wow, what a beautiful picture of love and commitment.

refocusing

As I sit here...doing everything in the world besides my assignment that is due tomorrow, this song comes on the radio, and I'm taken to this place where homework doesn't matter, and only ONE thing does...but then as quickly as I have left this earth I come back to reality with a renewed sense of purpose (which involves me finishing my homework...or perhaps this is just my second wind). And these are the lyrics that are a challenge to me everytime I hear them:

Magnificent Obsession

Steven Curtis Chapman

Lord, You know how much
I want to know so much
In the way of answers and explanations
I have cried and prayed
And still I seem to stay
In the middle of life’s complications
All this pursuing leaves me feeling like I’m chasing down the wind
But now it’s brought me back to You
And I can see again.

This is everything I want
This is everything I need
I want this to be my one consuming passion
Everything my heart desires
Lord, I want it all to be for You, Jesus
Be my magnificent obsession.

So capture my heart again
Take me to depths I’ve never been
Into the riches of Your grace and Your mercy
Return me to the cross
And let me be completely lost
In the wonder of the love
That You’ve shown me
Cut through these chains that tie me down to so many lesser things
Let all my dreams fall to the ground
Until this one remains.

You are everything I want
And You are everything I need
Lord, You are all my heart desires
You are everything to me.

You are everything I want
You are everything I need
I want You to be my one consuming passion
Everything my heart desires
Lord, I want it all to be for You
I want it all to be for You.

"Give thanks to the LORD and proclaim his greatness. Let the whole world know what he has done. Sing to him; yes, sing his praises. Tell everyone about his wonderful deeds. Exult in his holy name; rejoice, you who worship the LORD. Search for the LORD and for his strength; continually seek him. Remember the wonders he has performed, his miracles, and the rulings he has given."
-Psalm 105:1-5

"iiiicecream, is anything more delectable..."

...than ice cream, why even the most respectable eat ice cream. It's wonderful on a summer's afternoon, in June. Ice cream, the recipe's something serious, but ice cream, makes everyone so delirious, that ice cream is certainly worth the trouble that it takes!" (-Anne of Green Gables the musical)

okay, so that probably didn't fit into the metaphor...or maybe it did. We'll leave that for you to decide. I just had that song in my head right now ;)

so between thoughts of ice cream, life, passions (not the show), purpose, love, responsibility, sacrifice, worship, and dreams...I find myself at a place where I realize that I'm far from where I'd like to be...with no idea of where to even begin to point myself in the direction that I want to end up in. Well, I do have ideas...it's just knowing where to start...and actually doing something about it...that's my problem.

I just want to say that I LOVE all my friends!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! you guys are the best! Don't ever forget that!

over and out

I inserted a catheter today!

only on Jake the manequin....but I still did it! It was pretty exciting! I'm learning a whole lot this semester, and my brain hurts already! I have one less class and one less lab this semester, but it feels like more work than last semester for some reason! Maybe because I've actually been doing my readings so far...okay, only for the first 2 days...and I'm already behind, but intending to do something is alot of work...
I was in the hospital on Wednesday and I got to care for 'my' baby...I got to hold her, change diapers, feed her, burp her, check her vitals...she was soooo precious! I wanted to take her home with me!! (But I think that is against hospital policy!)
well, since I've slacked off all evening...it's now time for the books to come out and play...or maybe just come out ;)

why did I come and what did I bring?

You know when you've heard a story over and over again and don't really know how it applies to you, so you start to tune it out anytime it comes up...until one day, someone tells the story in a way you've never heard before, and suddenly it is COMPLETELY relevant! Yeah, that happened to me in church today. You could say I got a little kick in the pants. We're going through the book of John...and today we talked about the temple merchants story (ch2). Well, I grew up hearing that story in Sunday School and always thought, 'those naughty people trying to rip everyone off!' Today I heard a different perspective. This is the point the stuck out in my mind: What if Jesus was not only mad at the merchants, but also the people buying the stuff. See, when God commanded the people to bring sacrifices to the temple, it meant that the people had to raise their own animals and then take their BEST one to the temple by foot (which would've been quite inconvenient with an animal). This was actually a sacrifice to them, it would've cost them time, money, and it would've been quite a hassle. Having merchants at the temple meant that all the people needed to do was show up, bring a little cash (well, probably a lot, cuz they got ripped off), pick out an animal, they bring it over to be sacrificed, and it's all done. Perhaps, Jesus was angry at how lazy the worshippers had become...worship isn't meant to be convenient or easy...it's SUPPOSED to be a sacrifice. It's not about me...It's completely about God. So, why did I go to church today? And what did I bring? Well, honestly, I went cuz it's something I do, and I like to sing and hear Gerry speak. And I brought myself. That sounds like a lazy, self-centered worshipper to me...Time for a change!

2005...or is it 2006?

Well, I already went to a New Years Eve party yesterday...so for me it's already 2006! I'm serious. I went to this party I didn't really know many people...but I got to hold their babies! It was fun!
I guess I have accomplished my top 10 things...except the wedding hasn't happened yet...but we've decorated and had the rehearsal already...so it's half done...we just need to do the real thing!
This Christmas has been wonderful...some Christmas's are okay, some are good...but this one was wonderful (in my opinion). I can't put my finger on exactly what made this one so good...but it was.
but now, I need to get ready for my day full of skating, watching hockey, and of course the 'real' New Years Eve celebrations!
Happy New Years!

Praise the Lord!

I made it through this stretch of exams! Now, bring on Christmas! I'm super excited to go home! here's my top ten things I'm looking forward to (in no particular order):
1) Seeing my family (especially 'my' babies)
2) Play hockey with my friends (hopefully!)
3) Singing in church (especially 'der Friedensfurst'...no Christmas is complete without that beautiful song!
4) Playing football in the snow with my sister! (one of my favorite christmas traditions!)
5) Did I mention that I'll get to see my kids?...I can just hear Adria shouting "Doe-ie" and making me chase her...what I won't do to ensure my place as favorite auntie...jk JB ;)
6) Being in a wedding...wow, time flies...I can still remember when Missy and James first met!
7) NO HOMEWORK!!
8) Baking some Christmas goodies!
9) Since I'm on the food topic...I can hardly wait till I can eat some delicious enchilada's (another one of my favorite family Christmas Eve traditions)
10) well, since I promised 10 things, I better come up with a 10th thing, otherwise my dear readers will be disappointed...mind you, I could always go back and change this to a list of my 9 favorite things...but that would be cheating...so I will think of one last thing...and it is: being able to sleep in.
okay, that was a lame one, but that's all I could think of right now...sorry.
Gotta go pack and clean now, so I can actually go home (instead of just dreaming about it!)
Merry Christmas, y'all!

just your average Joe

First of all I want to say: THE LINZ'S WON! Way to go boys and girl! Okay, so I was excited! I'm over it now...What am I going to do now every tuesday at 8?....Maybe I'll actually study...(good one, Lori!)
So there are a few things I've been pondering about this last week. First of all, I've always thought of Joseph (as in, Mary and Joseph) as a distant father that had nothing to do with Jesus...maybe he was embarrased with him and cast him out of the family or something...I don't know. But this week, I started reading in Matthew, and I got a totally different perspective. Here it tells how Gabriel appears to Joseph, not once, or twice, but 3 times in the middle of the night. And how did Joe respond? He obeyed God immediately! First it was to marry Mary and call 'their' son Jesus. Then to leave his family, home, and carpentry shop to move off to Egypt suddenly...no questions asked. Then, when they just start to settle in...oh look, we're supposed to move back to Israel where the former ruler has been murdering innocent babies because he wanted to make sure my son was dead. Crazy! Joe was very concerned about Mary's baby, and took care of him like a true father would, even if it meant sacrificing his reputation and the comforts of home. He obeyed God, and did the best he could to protect his child (even though it wasn't even his). Amazing! I don't know why he wasn't mentioned later on in the gospels...maybe he died, I don't know. I often think about the sacrifice that Mary had to make, but I realized that Joseph also made huge sacrifices in his life for Jesus. What a crazy and miraculous story of regular people saying 'yes' to God when it made no sense at all, knowing that most people would probably not believe the truth. That was my new insight to the Christmas story this week.

"a diversion"...from reality

For those of you who like Amazing Race (family edition), here is just one of the numerous funny quotes from my favorite team...The Linz's:

Nick Linz: There needs to be a leader involved and...
Tommy Linz: Nick thinks he's the only one that can do it.
Nick Linz: I didn't say that.
Alex Linz: Real life situations have been experienced more by Nick and I. Tommy and Megan are still in that educational stage of maturing and learning how to deal with an electric company and paying their electric on time, or their landlord...
Tommy Linz: Shut up, Alex, you're living at home!

I laughed...so hard! So I finished my demonstration exam today...I would've failed if my partner hadn't helped me out...hopefully that still counts for something! Otherwise I'll have to do it again! I don't even want to think about that...so my next exam is on saturday. I wasn't going to study today (cuz I'm sick of it)...but maybe I will. Good Luck to everyone who is knee deep in books, preparing for exams! (and more luck to those of you who are writing exams that you haven't been studying for!)

trivia tidbits

Did you know that each month has a flower? Kind of like a birthstone...there's a birth-flower. I didn't know that. check it out! So I read that and thought of Jen...cuz she used to call me morning glory!
Another random, useless fact: Apparently, the US has never lost a war where mules were used. (read this for more useless, but kind of interesting facts) Can you tell I've been procrastinating? I'm bad at this studying thing...I get worse at it every time I have to do it. well, my study break is now over...time to read some more about justice, truthfullness, integrity, and other very important moral issues.

what a crazy weekend...and it's not over yet...

Well, Friday was quite the eventful day for me. I was going to skip class that day and sleep in...but I was supposed to meet one of my friends to give her some pamphlets for a project we were working on. So I got out of bed...turns out, she decides not to show up...so I felt that it had been a waste of waking up....but after the crazy events that followed, I soon decided that I was glad that I had gotten up in the morning! I could go on forever, but I'll tell the short story. As I was walking home from school, I walked past a hairdresser shop and thought to myself: "I should get a haircut". so I turned around and started walking towards the building. meanwhile, there was this older lady and her daughter walking in front of me. As they started up the front step, they lost their balance and toppled over. Meanwhile I'm freaking out...not quite sure what to do! the one lady got up and said she was okay, but the other lady couldn't get up and she thought she broke her arm. so, anyways I went into the building and called 911 for the poor lady. and waited with them till the ambulance arrived. It was a super crazy experience...it made me feel so inadequately trained to be a nurse. I totally didn't know what to do...I freaked out (well, inside...on the outside I stayed calm, I think.) In case you were wondering about my haircut...after all the hoopla, I went inside and made a haircut appointment for later on that day (which was quite the experience in itself....) I won't go into it now, let's just say I walked out of there feeling like I walked off the set of Anne of Green Gables. It was very funny!
Today I went shopping and restrung my guitar and went to our College and Career's 'Christmas in Tinseltown' party thing. I met a girl I had a class with last year, and a girl that I went to camp with in grade 5 or6...quite random! It was really neat, I just wish we could've gone to play poker...oh well, it was fun anyways...now I really should sleep...get ready for another day!

less than a month till Christmas!

I'm having a lot of fun with a few of my assignments...I used to think I hated doing 'creative' assignments...but now I realize that I find it quite fun (I think it's because I know the alternative is writing papers, and ANYTHING is better than writing a paper!) Right now I'm working on my second pamphlet thingy. I like making pamphlets....Planning the layouts and fooling around with differents designs reminds me of good old Desktop Publishing! Great class! We had the best group, eh Jen...oh Diamond Dan...he was a diamond in the rough!

On a serious note...I got an email today from my mom about my grandpa. He had surgery this last spring to remove some cancerous skin cells. At the time the doctors said that they were confident that they had removed it all. However, now they are doing more tests and don't think they got everything. So if you could pray for my grandpa, that would be great! Thanks guys!

Climb every mountain

I always fast forward this part of the movie...but I still like the song (except the fact that it's written for an opera singer...jk)

Climb every mountain, search high and low

Follow every byway, every path you know.

Climb every mountain, ford every stream,

Follow every rainbow, till you find your dream!

A dream that will need

all the love you can give,

Every day of your life

for as long as you live.

Climb every mountain, ford every stream,

Follow every rainbow, till you find your dream!

i'd forgotten...

...how much I LOVE volleyball! Yesterday I went to gym night! It was super fun! It made me realize that I haven't done something that I REALLY love in such a long time! (well, beside being with friends...I do really enjoy that!) Honestly, I feel like I'm in this rut of doing things because I've always done them...or because I don't know what else I'd do...so I live my life by default. I can't do that anymore. I know that...It's just hard to get out of that. So many things that I am pondering that I can't put into words...or I'm scared to put into words. Either way, I don't feel like dealing with these things right now, but I know I have to.

ultimate test

today in my assessment class we were learning about doing neurological assessments. You have to test a whole lot of things like reflexes and what not, and for one of the tests you're supposed to hold a cotton ball in the peripheral vision of a person and bring it towards a persons eye (until it actually touches their eye) to see if they blink. And I was reminded of eating popcorn in chemistry...oh wait, wrong one...I was reminded of chemistry class and bonnie and marcia's ultimate tests. fun times.

boulevard of broken dreams

so they played that song in church today for a 'special number/intermission song' I imagined us singing that in church next time we lead singing...and I laughed! After church a few of us went out for lunch. One the way back (Julia was driving us back), this lady in the lane beside us, just drove right into our lane...she pretty much just drove us off the road...well, not really, just into the next lane. It was kind of slow motion, and just wierd. Kim started screaming...and I probably did too...I don't remember. It was kind of funny, but not really! Crazy city drivers! It's been kind of a weird day in general...I had the craziest dream and it felt so real. I was learning how to perform abdominal surgery (on these life sized models of the "operation" game). It even buzzed when you made a mistake. All of a sudden I had just had abdominal surgery and I needed to cough, but didn't want to because I was afraid that my stitches would tear and my intestines would fall out (apparently that happens to people sometimes. I learned that in school!). So I was clutching my stomach so that my insides would stay inside. Then all of a sudden I was in class, and this guy walks in the class and says, "Hi Lori" and I said, "should I know you? What's your name?" and he said, "I won't tell you my name, but I will say that I'm from UCLA" and he walked off. Then I woke up clutching my stomach. It felt so real...but I checked, and I don't have any stitches on my tummy, so i guess it wasn't real ;)
So now I'm going to work really hard so that maybe I can take a study break later and have some waffle cookies!

It's not Kilikina, but it'll do!

Your Hawaiian Name is:

Keilana Kai

What's" your Hawaiian Name?

no more midterms!!!

Well, I just finished my last midterm....now to get through today without falling asleep...I was studying last night until 2:30, and thought, maybe I should go to bed...Then I remembered that I had an assignment due today...so I had to do that yet...talk about procrastination...and I still haven't started preping for my 2 labs today. Oh the life of a student.

Well, this weekend is my Grandparents 60th wedding anniversary celebration! I think that's pretty cool that they've been married for 60 years! One time during the summer when I was visiting them, we went through some old photo albums. My grandma was showing me pictures of the houses that they used to live in, and my great-grandparents, and all kinds. Then she said something about wishing that they hadn't moved away from their first house. My grandpa perks up and said, "What? You didn't want to move? Why didn't you say anything...we wouldn't of had to move." It was super cute the way they were so concerned about each other and still learning things about each other, even though they've been married for 60 years! I want to have a marriage like that...eventually.

well, I should head back to class now...i guess.

'Yaunt Zied'

"No matter where you are today, God will call you to go to the "other side.". . . Jesus will bring you into the lives of needy, wounded people. No matter how different they are from you . . . they are part of the reason Jesus put you in this world." (Jim Laffoon)

This week I conversations with 2 different people who are very openly searching spiritually. It's amazing how quickly people (who were complete strangers a month and half ago) open up. I was thinking about this...and I realized how hard it is to keep searching. I mean, just because I've discovered my 'general purpose' for life (To worship God and to bring Him glory in everything that I do)....I'm still searching like anyone else for guidance, inspiration, and for my specific purposes on this earth. I often forget that, and tend to get this unintentional 'I've-got-it-all-together' attitude. I forget that Christianity is more about the journey or the search, than it is about a one time decision. I guess my realization came to me because I realized that if I've stopped searching/seeking after God, I can't even relate or be an encouragement to my friends who are soul searching.

it's been awhile

On Thursday, Melissa, Marce and Keny and I went to see Crowns! It was amazing! Wow! I wish I could sing and dance like that...and play drums and piano! Some people have ability and with others it just is a part of their soul! I'm very convinced of that!

Yesterday I had the urge to be creative/artistic...Last Christmas I got a ceramic pig from my parents for Christmas that comes with a kit to paint it. My mom said "I saw it and I thought of you so I had to buy it...you don't have to paint it if you don't want to." Well, you know me and my artistic ability... So yesterday I finally mixed some paint together and painted it...It was fun. It doesn't look very amazing, but I finally used my christmas present! That's all that matters.

Have any of you ever listened to Paul Overstreet? I had the sudden urge to listen to Paul Overstreet...I grew up listening to him! Oh the memories...Julia and I used to make up choreography to those tapes...sadly, we don't have those tapes anymore :( well, I should really do some studying, now that I have the house to myself and nobody to distract me except myself...which is really the person who distracts me the most....I'll try to stay focussed this time...

Say Won't You Say

"Every morning I have the chance to rise

and give my all

Every afternoon I find

I have only wasted time

in light of Your awe"

-Jennifer Knapp

i don't know if you're near or far away

It's so bizarre how one minute you can be so completely convinced of something and the next minute, you're more unsure than ever before. I guess that's what happens when you look at life through the lenses of your feelings...I suppose that's why true Christianity is based on faith and trust...and not on feelings...
so today I got some x-rays of my lungs...gotta love things like that. The lady asked me if there was a chance I could be pregnant...I know they're supposed to ask everyone that...(well, I guess only the females)...but it was weird for her to ask me. The fact that I could potentially be pregnant really scares me. Okay, so I worded that wrong...now before you all think that I'm pregnant I'll rephrase....on the other hand...I don't think I can rephrase that, I'll just trust that you know what I'm trying to say.
well, i should finish my paper now...enough distractions...I hope I have enough ink in my printer, it's telling me it's running low...

wake me up when september ends

I can't believe tomorrow is October already...time has gone so fast...and yet I feel like I've been here forever....
I'm so excited to be done school for the week! I'm also excited about the possibility of doing absolutely NOTHING tomorrow....oh wait...I need to do homework...the thought was good while it lasted.
So yesterday I had to do an assignment for one of my labs. the assignment was to interview your partner (who was supposed to be a patient). The 'patient' was given a scenerio (eg/ My boyfriend just broke up with me and I'm feeling depressed), and we were supposed to use proper communication techniques to ask them questions and assess them. Meanwhile, this whole thing is supposed to be video taped so that we can watch it and evaluate ourselves. So when we were done, we went into the room to watch our video....and guess what???? Our lens cap had been on he entire time so we had NO video!!!! sure, you can laugh at us...but it wasn't our fault. (the video camera's are mounted on the wall like security camera's and we were told that the camera's were ready to go, we didn't have to do anything with them). so we didn't have to watch ourselves!!! I think it would've been embarrassing to watch myself. I had no idea what kind of questions to ask...I'm such a bad conversationalist....I guess I'll need to work on that! It's scary to think I'll have to interview real patients eventually. Eeeeks! I'm not ready for that.

just monkeying around...

It's been a great weekend! It was good to hang out with people again! I love it! Thanks for coming out guys! Some quick hilights: our road-raged 'friend' who doesn't have very much aim when he spits at people, the monkeys at the zoo ;)...(enough said), 'hatching' out of eggs, watching 'fancy pants'...I mean 'funny face'....And just plain seeing people I haven't really seen in a while! Great times! Now I need to refocus and actually think about doing homework again...I decided not to feel guilty for not doing a whole lot of homework this weekend...but now I have to work my butt off this week! oh well...that's the life I have chosen...might as well get used to it!

chance encounters

what do you do when you see someone you haven't seen in 3 years...and you're not quite sure you ever wanted to see them again. You're relieved when they don't see you...or worried/hurt that they might have seen you, but chose to ignore you...it's an odd cycle of emotion.
But onto other things....I get to poke people's fingers today and check their blood sugar level. It should be un...I mean fun...the 'f' just didn't work the first time, and I'm too lazy to press backspace. It's almost the weekend, which means it's almost time to give up my title as a teenager....(does that mean I can officially be scared of teenagers now? jk, I don't want to be scared of teenagers). well, i should to some prep for my lab that's coming up soon!

just when i thought my day was getting weird...

it got weirder.
So I got up at 5:15 this morning (after only 2.5 hours of sleep) so that I could go to my first real clinical! woot for early mornings....NOT! Anyways, so I got through it...it wasn't that bad...actually it was fun (excluding the times where I felt like I was standing around doing nothing...because I had no idea what to do). But I got to take Blood Pressures (for real!), and other vital signs. Other than that, it was pretty uneventful.

So, afterwards, I was waiting for my bus when some guy starts talking to me....and he literally tells me his life story...right down to his medical history..yup, pretty much!! At first he seemed friendly, but then after a while I wasn't so sure. Then we got on the bus, and this little girl and her mom get on a few stops later...the girl marches right to the seat beside me and plops herself down (even though half of the bus is empty)...and she says in a really LOUD voice, "Hi!" so i chatted to her about Dora the Explorer (the topic was inspired by her Dora backpack) until she decided to spend the rest of her ride running back and forth down the isle of the bus. Crazy Kid...but cute! Then I got home...well, almost, I had to stop in at Safeway for a few things, and my cashier (Kendra will know which one) starts asking me about my cold (I had coughed a little bit while in line). He asked me how long I'd had my cold and then asks me how my sleeping habits were. Then encouraged me to get more sleep. Thanks for the advice, sir! So then I was walking home from the store and a construction man starts talking to me as I past him. He said, "Are you sure you want to walk down there? You know, there are a lot of single men working down that street. You wouldn't want to get abducted or anything...I'm just warning you." OK, so I was creeped out. But I made it home, eventually. Now I will follow the advice of my 'favorite' cashier and get some sleep! I hope my weird day entertained at least one of you.

You Are My Hope

Times are hard

Times have changed

Don't you say

But I keep holding on to you

It's hard to keep the faith alive day to day

Leaning on the strength I've found in you

You're the hope of all the Earth

You are my hope

You are my strength

You're everything

Everything I need

You are my hope

You are my life

You are my hope

-Skillet

That's the song running through my head right now....sometimes I lose hope, sometimes I lose vision, sometimes I get so self-absorbed that I forget that this life isn't all about me...time for a reality check.

I hear my neighbors running down their stairs...what are they still doing awake? Wait, I'm still awake...but I was doing homework...so I have an excuse. but since it's done...I think...I should go to sleep!

gotta love city life

So I'm starting to feel like I'm at home again. It's amazing how many people you meet randomly at different places throughout the day. It truly is a small world. So yesterday was my first day of classes so I showed up at 8:30 in the morning and it turns out that the professor wasn't there so the assistant talked for 5 minutes and then we left...what a waste of getting up early. But we did have a good Powerpuff Girls Party in the evening! And right now my whole room is shaking violently. I wonder if this is what a mild earthquake feels like? It feels like my keyboard and my chair have built in vibrators.....I feel like I'm lawn mowing (that one was for you Kenj). Why, you might ask? well, there's some construction going on beside our house...that should explain it I think. Got to get it all done before our second season comes around...WINTER! Oh, now they're honking out there. What a racket! And I was going to take a nap now...I doubt that'll happen. have a great weekend!

sleeping on the job

that's right...I did that and I got paid for it! Yesterday at 9pm Salem called me to see if I wanted to work a night shift on Maple. First of all, I've never been orientated for nights, secondly...I haven't worked on Maple since December. Obviously they were desperate, because they wanted me to come anyways. So I tried to sleep before I went, so that I could stay up until 7 in the morning....but I slept for maybe 15 minutes. It was a really slow night on my end...so I read and yes, fell asleep, until buzzers went off...amazingly I woke up from them! I was impressed! So now my system is all screwed up...I haven't really eaten anything (except for a cinamon roll and a muffin) since yesterday supper...and now it's almost supper time again. It's wierd...
So I went golfing yesterday with my dad. It was fun. The men there were funny. Their big advice to me was, "have fun...once the game isn't fun anymore...stop playing." I thought that was cute. but maybe I should get out of my pj's and start my day now.

it's a fine line

Where's the middle ground between being too desperate and hardening your heart, while managing to not to suppress your heart or throw it away? Perhaps it all comes down to being inviting and discerning....but how do learn to be discerning?....so many thoughts that are running through my head inspired by a few conversations I've had this past week.
Another thought running through my head is actually a picture of God. I've sang the song "God our protector" ever since I can remember, but I never really understood what that meant. I haven't been in many situations in life where I felt that I needed a protector. (I may have needed one, but I've usually felt like I was safe or could protect myself if I needed to). I went to a baseball game the other day (for a 'family' father-son outing) and a foul ball came right at us and actually landed about 5 seats over from us only 2 rows behind us. Immediately the guy beside me (my brother-in-law's brother) was yelling "heads up!" and he put his hands up over to protect me from if the ball would land on my head...or maybe he just wanted to catch the ball ;)....either way I felt very protected. It may sound like something very insignificant, but I had never had that feeling of knowing that someone would protect me if I was threatened before. I mean, had the ball come straight at me, I'm sure I could've got out of the way or caught it or something...but that's not the point. Then yesterday I was talking to a guy that I work with about some customers that make me nervous and he said, "next time they come through, call me to your checkout and I'll take care of them." Though, I probably would never take him up on that offer...it's still nice to know someone cares enough to want to protect me. Maybe I sound like a "I-can't-do-anything-for-myself" girly girl...But I was thinking about the feeling of being protected, and how much more God loves and protects us. I shouldn't be afraid because God cares for me far more than any human ever could, and doesn't want to see me hurt. I'm not saying I'm exempt from hurt, because I'm not. I'm not perfect and I live in a fallen world with other imperfect people and I've been hurt and I've hurt other people....but God's love and desire to protect us and carry us through these times is still the same. I don't know if that made sense...it's just a bunch of unsorted thoughts in my brain.
I need to get ready for my last shift of work!!

it's coming to an end

To quote a friend of mine..."Oh wow!" What a week it's been! Only 2 days of work left. One shift left at each place. I'm having conflicting emotions...on one hand I'm super excited to go back to school...on the other hand, I'm just starting to get comfortable with the conveniences of home life. But once again, we must move on. There are certain things I've been especially thankful for in the week or so: being able to use a car (sometimes truck!), having food stocked in the fridge, having long hair....there were more, I just got distracted...But since I'm being random anyway...have you ever met a complete stranger, but they feel incredibly familiar to you, but there is no reason that they should be familiar? I had that experience...it was weird.

Put on your old gray bonnet...

...with the blue ribbons on it, and we'll hitch up Tiger to the sleigh
And thru the fields of clover, we'll ride on to Dover
On our golden wedding day.

What a fun and crazy day I had yesterday! First of all we led singing in our church. It was alot of fun! Although most of the songs weren't familiar to most of the people...there were a few people who I saw singing along to all of them! After church I took a nap....intending to wake up at 2pm so that I could get ready for work. Well, I slept through my alarm and at 3:15 my dad stormed into my room and said, "Wake up! You're supposed to be at work!" (I was supposed to be there at 3pm) They had already called my house to see where I was. eeks! So I hurried like mad woman. And I got to work and they all made fun of me. Then some of the residents were really chipper and one of them was teaching us songs (like the one at the top). One of the songs was a little sketchy...but funny! It was the cutest thing to watch her sing...and then she'd chuckle in between. It was terribly cute! I had so much fun at work...sometimes it feels like it just drags on...I think it depends on who I work with...Don't get me wrong, they're all very nice people...Just some I have more in common with than others...and we can joke around and have more fun together!

Anger

It's so weird how certain (seemingly little) things, can trigger such an outpouring of emotion. Sometimes it's tears, sometimes it's a laugh or a giggle, and other times it's frustration and anger. I've given up analyzing myself to understand why I smile or laugh when I do...because, frankly, I laugh at the most inappropriate times for no reason...honestly. My funny bone is just very ticklish I guess. But when I have outbursts of anger...I usually want to know why. I know certain things that set me off...but I'd like to know why. How can I deal with it if I don't know why? Am I mad at God for allowing these things to happen as opposed to other things that I would rather have happen? Or am I mad at the people that initiated the situation to occur...because I think that I know their motives...and it's their alleged motives that make me angry? Or am I angry at myself for allowing myself to be in these circumstances? Or maybe I over-analyze things....which gets me even more frustrated because I don't have any answers....and no answers means no solution to fix my problem. Now that I've ranted...I think I'll sleep better at night!

Attitude

by the Supertones

I woke up in the morning,
And I realized what I jerk I've been,
Feel like I need to call up,
And say I'm sorry to all my friends,

Now I see how God's working,
Sensitizing that part of me,
I've been learning the difference,
Between attitude and identity.

(chorus)
I'm sorry about who I am,
I'm not who I'm trying to be.
For some reason my bad attitude comes so easily.

Love is like an addiction,
And I hope that I'm gettin' hooked.
Spread it like an infection,
Seein' Christ everywhere I look

I dont want to be know as
"The handsome guy with the attitude"
I'm sick of makin' excuses,
It's not ok for me to be rude.

(chorus)

Your breaking down my defenses,
And I'm findin' I'm not so hard,
Love is knockin' me senseless,
Love is catchin' me off my guard.

And now this chip on my shoulder,
Is losing some of it's jaggedness.
Lord I want to draw closer,
Leave behind all my bitterness.



****Sorry, I know it's another 'cop out' entry...but it's what was on my mind. I'll write a "REAL" entry one of these days...don't worry!

Presence

By Peter Furler, Steve Taylor, Tim Hughes

I lift up my voice
To The King, The King of glory
I hold out my hands
To The One who is worthy
I long for Your presence
I long, Lord, I need Your touch

Come, oh Lord, and fill up my life
With the light of Your presence
This is my heart's desire
Oh Father, come and let Your spirit abide
I long for Your presence
This is my heart's desire

I long to be washed
In the well of Your mercy
I long to be warmed
by the fire of Your glory
I long for Your presence
I long for Your healing touch

Come, oh Lord, and fill up my life
With the light of Your presence
This is my heart's desire
Oh Father, come and let Your spirit abide
I long for Your presence
This is my heart's desire

It's my desire
(I wanna feel Your presence)...

Beauty

This is a picture of the throne room in the Neuschwanstein castle in Germany. It was one of the most beautiful castles that I visited. This room...actually most of the rooms have their own unique story behind them. This castle, built by King Ludwig II (I think), was never finished because the King died before it was completed. (He drowned mysteriously, only a couple of days after he was diagnosed as being insane). The major piece missing in this elaborately decorated room is the actual throne. It never got delivered. The mural, I believe has saints, angels and Jesus pictured. It took my breath away to stand in this room! It was beautiful!

Well, I was reading 'Captivating' today during my lunch break, and I was again reminded about the beauty of God and how much he longs for us to enjoy His beauty. He created beautiful things like sunsets, waterfalls, oceans, and stars for us to enjoy and to remind us of His beauty. He has also created us with the ability and the desire to also create beautiful things, like music, paintings, food, stained-glass windows, afgans, clothes, and so many other things. I don't remember if I had a point to this...these are just my current thoughts.

here and there and everywhere

My life is work....I had an amazing day off, but in the back of my head I knew that this day was soon coming to an end and would usher in another crazy work week.....Ahh yes, one must make a living. I got a letter from Joanna today!!! I was so excited! All in all it was a super fantastic day!!
Today it was a week since we came back from Iowa. It's amazing how quickly you can revert back into your old habits and way of thinking. I have such a different attitude when I'm here, at home....That's something I need to work on. But I am thankful for the amazing friends and memories I made! I need to do some thinking now...

I guess I've been tagged

10 years ago today-> I don't think that I remember. Actually I think that was the summer, my family went to BC on vacation. We probably would've been on our way back today.
1 year ago-> same place as now...working the same jobs as now, probably feeling as sleep-deprived as now.
Yesterday -> I worked a double shift and yeah...that's pretty much all I did.
Tomorrow -> Church!!!! Then out for lunch with Keny, Morden and my sister!!!!!....and then work in the evening.
5 snacks I enjoy -> Nachos and salsa, popcorn, chocolate, chips, cookies
5 adult beverages I enjoy -> If you know me, you know my answer.
5 bands I know the lyrics to-> delirious, switchfoot, larue, shania twain...and (do I admit this one?) the backstreet boys ;)
5 things I would do with $100 000 000 -> go on a long trip around the world, pay off my loans, donate money to Prov to develop a Nursing program, give money to missionaries, and save some for my children's college fund....if I ever have children
5 locations I would like to run away to -> Churchill, PEI, Hawaii, Poland, Paris
5 bad habits I have -> apathy, assuming, chewing gum (all the time!), backing off too quickly, and not saying what I really want to say
5 things I love doing -> being with friends and family, making music (singing/piano/guitar), playing sports (volleyball, fastball, hockey!), rollarblading, and being in the presence of God.
5 things I would never wear -> I don't know...I'd probably wear anything...just maybe not in public.
5 tv shows I like -> CSI, Jeapardy, Corner Gas, Train 48, The Bachelor/ette
5 movies I like-> Anne of Green Gables, That thing you do, Napolean Dynamyte, Oceans 11 and 12, Spiderman 1 and 2
5 famous people I would love to meet-> Mac Powell, Paul Harvey, Martin Smith, Oprah, and Philip Larue
5 biggest joys at the moment -> Finding my inner Lindy, eating food, listening to Shania, being with my favorite middle sister, practicing my dance moves that I learned from a resident this evening!
5 favorite toys-> toss and tickle me elmo, all my stuffed animals (50+)....well, I guess I exceeded the limit....
5 people to tag -> I don't have 5 friends!

Golden Grahams are the man!

It's been quite the last 10 days! I wouldn't have traded this experience for anything in the world! I just got back from Iowa tonight. Marce and I were chaperone's (if you can believe it) for the youth mission trip! It was an incredible time of worship....whether it was by meeting new people, tearing apart walls, cleaning a filthy basement, dry walling, making food, making music, playing sports, praying, wrestling, having church services....It was all a type of worship! I learned so many things about myself and how I react in different circumstances, about the Body of Christ, about generousity, about playing guitar, about cooking, about construction, and about making assumptions about people before you get to know them.

We had some crazy adventures, starting with crossing the border. They made us take EVERYTHING (music equpiment and all) out of the bus. Then they searched it and our bags and then took Aaron's bag and searched it in the back room, because the search dog liked it a little too much! On the way back we stopped at a gas station, and when we wanted to get going, the bus wouldn't start...so we had to pile out of the bus and push it and it came to life. There are so many other stories...but right now I'd love to go to bed! It's going to be so wierd to be home. I'm going from sharing a bathroom with 19 other people to having my entire house (with 3 bathrooms) entirely to myself. I think I'll be a little lonely.
Goodnight and Kakapaypay!

Du bist mein Feuer

enough said....except for some giggles...It came from deep within my heart-shaped heart....okay I'll quit...
I have loved today so far. We sang in church and it was amazing! I love seeing and hearing people sing to God! Is there anything more beautiful in this world than to witness the Church worship God? I don't think so. Worship is what we are created for, and when we fulfill that purpose, nothing else can compare.
Then Marce and Keny came over for lunch, and we had a wild time. I love taco salad. But today it had a similar effect on me as when I have just chips and salsa. Not that I mind...I just always thought that Lindy was nocturnal. Maybe it wasn't Lindy, maybe it was Brianna. Well, I think I'll quit while I'm somewhat ahead.

I love Tintin!

Lately I've had a craving...if you can call it that...to read Tintin books! I remember countless hours as a kid reading those! Great times! Those books remind me of Holly...I think she introduced me to Tintin.

I've been learning so much about myself lately (while reading 'Captivating'...great book!). I like to analyze myself...why I am the way I am. I never thought about the bigger picture and the fact that I could be a certain way because of what happened even before I was a thought. It's all about going back to Adam and Eve in the Garden. They set the stage for all of human kind. Our core desires as men and women are the same and they drive who we are. Okay...so when it's spelled out like that it seems so basic and obvious...but it's quite crazy to think about...and another thing....As a woman, I have been created in the image of God's beauty! That's so overwhlemingly amazing to think about.

I was just listening to the Newsboys song 'He Reigns'...I love that song! Anyways...I love this part:
"All God's people singing 'Glory, glory, Halleluiah, He Reigns!' And all the powers of darkness tremble at what they've just heard. Because all the powers of darkness can't drown out a single word!"
There is so much power in getting together as the Body and worshipping our Saviour!

Ack gleich technologie

I was looking through some of my Germany pictures today and I got a sudden pang of "I-want-to-go-back"-ness. Someday....

It was really neat yesterday how the sermon that was preached was exactly about what I've been learning in the last week or so. It was about Returning to God. And how God often uses troubles in the economy and the things that we depend on to give us a wake up call to come back to Him. I often struggle with going back to God after I've strayed away, because I always feel like I have to get it all together before I go to Him, and this last week, God reminded me again that if I could do it on my own, I wouldn't need Him. It's so basic, but it's one thing I have to be constantly reminded of.

Today is Rylan's 1st birthday party! Which reminds me that I must go shopping for a present for him. What does a one year old boy want for his birthday? 'Like anyone could ever know that!'...Ahhh yes........"Meine mule date sehe vie".."Tina, du groute, fatte! Kom hole deine uncast"...I'll stop now...until I can get my 'translator' to help me out.

T.G.I.S.!!

8 more hours left of my crazy 61.5 hour week! Then I have 3 days off. It'll be worth it...anyone up for going to the beach? So I had an interesting conversation with a coworker of mine. It was prematurely interupted so I have all these assumptions about him in my head now....and they're not pretty...I just want to get them out. I doubt he'll ever bring it up again...but I'd really like to talk to him about it...not that I would know what to say...oh well, we'll see if the time comes. Right now the icecream truck is driving past my house and I had the urge to run outside and buy something....alas, I am not suitably dressed to make such a business transaction. Well, I should get ready for work. To all the campers out there (the people not the actual structure), I hope you're enjoying this beautiful weather that God has sent our way!

Mennonite kids fitter than other kids

So the studies say! Gotta love Mennonites!....And the media's portrayal of them! I found it funny!

Today, I had a resident tell me that she wanted to put my chin in her pocket so that she could take it wherever she went. Then she said that she'd actually like all of me in her pocket, along with her bicycle. Then she told me that we should run away together. I asked her where we should go, and she said that was for me to decide, she was just going along for the ride! She is one of my favorite ladies! I'd like to run away to Greece...or maybe Australia. Right now. Who's coming with me?

so much for that...

well, I'm in between shifts now...What a busy day it was at the mall! Yikes! I kept mixing up my words over the intercom..."Abe to customer service for parcel pickup; Abe to parcel pickup for customer service...giggle giggle!" Yes...I did say that and I did get laughed at! I also put my foot in my mouth when talking to someone...I referred to something that I thought they knew...and they didn't know...and I knew I wasn't supposed to be the first person to tell them.......so I tried to back track....but you know me...I'm not very good at that. I feel bad now.

So, now I will put that all behind and go to the other place I call work. Ack mot schofen. Or something like that.

guess who's back?

Back again...sorry I couldn't resist...anyways...PHIL is back! YEAH! Him and Holly were at IGA today and I talked with them! It took me a few seconds to realize that he was here but supposed to be there...ahh yes. The slow processing of my mind.

So things that I thought were taken care of...aren't after all. So once again, I need to muster up the courage to be honest instead of being polite...we'll see if I can actually follow through with it this time. But, I think my pizza is just about done now...oh there goes the timer. Until another time.

Happy Birthday Dad!

Today is my dad's birthday and we went out for supper and then I took him mini golfing....After the humidity went down and it cooled off a bit! It was actually quite nice out there! (I even beat him by 5 points!! hee hee!)

Sometimes I wonder why I have a hard time being honest if I don't think that there's a polite way of doing it....but that's another story for another time....

So today I got a letter from the faculty of Sociology. They want me to be in their program...crazy people. Although Criminology would be very interesting...maybe I'll consider it once I land on the "Mid life Crisis: Start new Career" square in this reality game of life.

it always gets worse before it gets better

so the lady I was working with was telling me. We ended up having quite the theological discussion today while the residents were having 'madach-schlop'. She was saying how historically, before a nation has a revival, the things that they have come to depend on are stripped away from them. She said we are beginning to go down that road. In this area we rely heavily on agriculture, cattle, etc... With the border closed to our beef, and the last few years of poor weather for the crops. It's just the beginning. She said our job now is to pray that when people have no where else to turn, they will turn to God to heal our land (and our hearts). I had never really thought about that before and I was challenged by that.

Another thought...I was reading an article on the Newsboys site based on the story in 2 Samuel 5:17-26. This is the one where God commands David to defeat the Philistine army and says that "as soon as you hear the sound of marching in tops of the balsam trees, move quickly, because that will mean the LORD has gone out in front of you to strike the Philistine army." So anyways, the article had this to say about that story:

"many times we will not fully understand the plans of God for our lives. We do not understand them because we are blind to what God is doing on our behalf in the invisible realm. Even as God's angelic armies lead the host of Israel, so He is working in your life to bring about the tremendous victory you have been waiting for. This principle is important because many times when God is secretly at work in our lives, we have the tendency to feel abandoned by Him."

How true is that, eh? I think we underestimate the power and the reality of the spiritual realm. Just because we can't see it, doesn't mean it's not there. I could go on and on about this...but I'll spare you. Enjoy the BEAUTIFUL weather we are finally getting!!

more family time

I just got back from a weekend retreat with my family to celebrate my grandparent's 60th anniversary, my grandpa's 85th birthday, and my grandma's 80th birthday. It's not all at the same time...but we figured we might as well have a big do and celebrate it all at once! It was actually alot of fun! It was good to hang out with my cousins that I rarely see. We had some good times in the loft/attic with our pokey-springed mattresses! But seriously...I learned how blessed I am to have such an amazing heritage. I'm not saying my family is perfect....we're far from it, but I've never had to question whether my family loves me. I've never had to worry about whether I'd be taken care of. I've never feared going home. So many blessings I take for granted. But now I'm tired and want to go to sleep...in my own soft bed.....Zzzzz

To make a long story short...

My family is great, but when we ALL get together, it gets pretty crazy! So, this weekend my cousin got married. It was a super beautiful wedding. She got her dress, the bridesmaid dresses, the (6!) flower girl dresses and my cousin (in-law)'s tux all made in Boliva when she was out there. They were all really nice and actually fit despite the lack of fittings. I was impressed! So during the ceremony I had my great aunt and uncle behind me....My great uncle just got a digital camera, so after every picture he took, he had to tap me on the shoulder and show me. Then my great aunt kept tapping my shoulder and asking me if I was next in planning a wedding. When I replied that I highly doubted it, she kept insisting that I must be hiding something and was determined to get the details out of me. On top of all of this, my mom's cousin, who was sitting beside me, kept on giving me tips on how to pick up guys at weddings.....It was quite the experience....Don't get me wrong...I love my family....but sometimes they can be quite overwhelming all at once! Then came the reception. It was really amazing! I was asked to serve food...It felt so good to be able to just show up and the food was all prepared and all I had to do was bring it out to people! Anyways...the food was amazing...Imagine this: Korean Kim Bab's (sorry about the spelling) for appetizers. Kjelke, and some sort of Korean pork dish, and mixed veggies the for main course. Then a huge table full of assorted squares and cakes for dessert! It was amazing!!!!....Did I mention that chop sticks were provided with the meal? It was a great combination of Mennonite and Korean food! It was a really fun wedding!

After cleaning up for many hours (or so it felt)....I went back to my place in the city where Jen was patiently waiting...well I guess Marce was already there too...We had a movie night and then slept (I think...)...many things occured and then we went to say goodbye to Annie. We sang her, her favorite song ;) ..."Meine Taushen sand yepackt, Ack sei ried tum fohren!" and off she went. And many hours later we were home. And that's the kind of weekend it was.

it's raining and i want to go to the beach.....

Maybe it'll clear up yet...I'm trying to think on the bright side.

Don't you love it when you hear people "gossiping" about how great your friends are? The other day I was with some people who can be quite critical about people (they just say what exactly what they think about people no matter who is listening) and they were going on and on about how great one of my friends was! I was impressed. It made me hope that when they gossip about me that it is only good things as well. Me and Kendra discussed this; is it gossip if you're saying good things about a person? I don't think so, because you probably wouldn't mind them hearing what you're saying...but then again, maybe it still is gossip, but just good gossip. I don't really know.

I read these verses yesterday and I liked them.

"Listen to me, all Israel who are left; I have created you and cared for you since you were born. I will be your God through all your lifetime, yes, even when your hair is white with age. I made you and I will care for you. I will carry you along and be your Savior." Isaiah 46:3-4

Listen to me, all of you in far-off lands: The Lord called me before my birth. From within the womb he called me by my name. . .He said to me: "You are my Servant, a Prince of Power with God, and you shall bring me glory." Isaiah 49:1+3

Sacral Realignment

Today I had a massage and boy did it feel good. I don't know if it was due to my recent equestrian adventures…or simply because of my habitual bad posture…but my sacrum (consisting of 5 fused vertebrae in the spine…for those of you who didn't take bio) was out of place along with many other vertebrae. It's weird how a person can just feel something like that and push it back into place without causing extreme amounts of pain. I was impressed!

What a beautiful day outside today! I crocheted (sp?) in the back yard today and got a bit of a sunburn! My first one of the year! I'm excited about that! Well, I better check if my pizza is done yet or not.

"If to Return to My"

The other day I bought a Josh Groban CD. You know how most of his songs are in Italian...so I wanted to know what they really said...so I went to an online translator and found the translations....however, the sentence structure is really bad and the lyrics make no sense so it makes me laugh a lot! "if to return to my" is one of the directly translated song titles. and another one is "you will be lacking me"! Doesn't that make you laugh? One line of one of the songs says, "As to jump without network?" Oh there is much more...I could laugh for hours! It's great entertainment, I tell ya!

I dropped my mom off at work today and I ended up beside Kendra at a red light. She was wildly waving/pointing at something that I was supposed to look at I think....but I don't know. So right now I'm still pondering that and am very curious about it... Who knows.... well, I need to get ready for work now. so long!

I could be a cowgirl....or not!

On Monday Phil, Kendra, Cherise and I went to visit Eric at the Ranch! It was a lot of fun! From playing football in the field while avoiding cow pie's to our walk to find a nice bush, to horseback riding and galloping across open fields with the wind blowing through my hair and me yelling "Ow!...Ow!....Ow!" everytime My bum fell back on the saddle! Good times. Kendra had quite the experience, but I'll let her tell people about it.....Anyways, all in all it was a great time! Thanks Eric (if you read this) for letting us come and doing all the work while we sat around and had fun!

WELCOME BACK HOLLY! Yeah that's to you! I hope your travels went well and that you're glad to be back at home!

Yesterday my mom and I went to the city and I drove! It was my first time ever driving in the city so I was pretty excited. I thought it would be scary, but it wasn't scary at all. It hardly feels like an accomplishment now (and you're all thinking..."it's not that big of a deal")...but I can still cross another thing off my summer to do list. Well, we'll see what today brings.

Happy (belated) "Pincston"!

Well, after helping prepare meals for 300+ people over the weekend, making a trifle for my family this afternoon seemed like a piece of cake...pardon the pun. It was alot of work...but fun at the same time. Obviously it wasn't all fun and games...especially when we almost ran out of food one night...but it was definately worth all the time and effort we put into it. I don't want to sound like I'm repeating Marcia's list of memories...but I'll never forget 'building' cakes, smashing lettuce heads forcefully into the counter (Mwahaha!), the mysterious appearance of ginger ale bottles, talking to people with stage makeup on....you know it's quite entertaining because they look so funny, and yet are trying to ask serious questions, like "where do I put the leftover sour cream?" Okay, fine...I'm the only one who finds that humorous....I'm used to that. But seriously, I realized that it's the tasks that you feel the most underqualified and unexperienced for, that give you the most feeling of accomplishment when you actually finish it.

Yesterday I started learning how to crotchet a quilt/afgan...(what is the difference between the two anyway?) My grandma graciously contributed to my summer project by giving me some yarn in a pretty 'hip' looking bag/purse! Right now I'm still practicing the new pattern I'm learning, but once I've got that down pat and all my colors of yarn....I'll be set to go! We'll see how it turns out!

Peace to the brothers and sistah's!

P.S. in case you're wondering...'Pincston' is Low German for Pentecost.

1 down, 9 more to go!

I'm feeling pretty proud of myself today. I baked buns with my mom and they actually turned out! I admit, the ones that I rolled out didn't look as nice as my mom's...but I mixed the dough and kneaded it and they didn't turn out flat!! Maybe I have some undiscovered domestic talents after all. Now I can strike one item off of my list.

I read something in a book today that made me stop and ponder. In the story, the (fictional) character is questioning her calling as a Christian author. This is what she says:
"I believed that God wanted me to write Christian books or I wouldn't be doing it. Or I did at one time. Lately I've been wondering if I called myself into the ministry because I love Him and want to serve Him. Is there a difference? I believe there is."
I never really thought of the difference of being called by God into a ministry, or calling yourself into a ministry. I never thought about the fact that even though a person could be willing to serve God in a certain ministry, they may not be called by God to serve Him in that way. I just always thought that if you're willing, capable, and love God, it's probably the right thing to do. I'm still mulling this over right now. What is God REALLY calling me to do and what am I calling myself to do? I don't know the difference right now.

So, Holly's in Rome....visiting the Pope. How cool is that? You don't know how many times I've just wanted to jump on a plane and go anywhere it would take me...even if I had to sit with the luggage....I'd do it! I'm glad I live in an era where travelling is so 'easy'. Although, jumping on a ship with Christopher Columbus or Jacques Cartier sounds kind of fun too. I just wouldn't want to get scurvy......Oh I hate hidden tract's on CD's. I get scared everytime. The CD stops...or so I think, and then 2 minutes after it's been quiet in the house all of a sudden Phillip LaRue starts talking to me and I think, "Who's here? I thought I was alone in the house." And then he starts to sing to me and then I remember that it's not a burglar. It's just Phillip.

goals

I decided that there are certain things I want to accomplish before the summer is over (if we even get one this year). I decided to write them down so that I can look back and say to myself, "Self, you done good." or more likely, "Well, maybe next time..." So here's the start of my list:

1) learn how to bake buns
2) learn how to drive in the city...(yes I admit I've never done it and I'm actually scared of it).
3) start crotcheting a quilt
4) play baseball (even if it's slow pitch)
5) go to the beach (lots!!)
6) keep learning even though I'm not 'forced' to
7) Memorize Psalm 23 in German (even though this was one of my goals for last summer)
8) Learn the Lord's Prayer in German
9) spend time with friends and family
10) get involved with a ministry or outreach

So, those are the first 10 goals that popped into my head. Hopefully I'll be able to accomplish some of them. If not, they go on the next list I make until I accomplish it (like #7). We'll see how it goes!

The real world

I guess I'm back in the working world now. I forgot how physically draining it is...and how mind-numbing it is. I can't believe I'm admitting this already, but I miss the intellectual stimulation that comes with studying. Today an older man came through my checkout and told me to stay at home with my parents as long as possible "because taxes are so expensive and it's just cheaper to live at home." It made me laugh. On the other hand I'm thankful that I can come back home and live with my parents. It's great to be back!

Excuses

I read this passage yesterday and I felt like it was me talking to God...you'll probably be able to guess why.

Moses said to the LORD, "Oh Lord, I have never been eloquent, neither in the past nor since you have spoken to your servant. I am slow of speech and tongue." The LORD said to him, "Who gave man his mouth? Who makes him deaf or mute? Who gives him sight or makes him blind? Is it not I, the LORD? Now go; I will help you speak and will teach you what to say." (Exodus 4:10-12).

Keep in mind that God had just shown Moses the miracle of the rod turning into the snake and had just turned his hand to being full of leprousy to being healed again. I thought, how could Moses keep making excuses, that's ridiculous....then I realized that I am the exact same way...I say: "I'm too shy"; "I'm scared of teenagers"; "I'm scared of adults"; "I don't like to take charge or initiate things"...and on and on....For some odd reason I don't find it ridiculous when I make excuses....It's a hard lesson to learn...and I think it will be even harder to apply to my life...but I'll try.

this is me wasting my time...

So I wrote an entry and posted it....but then I realized that I had posted it onto Cherises blog by mistake...Oops! So, I deleted it...but not before copying it...so here is what I meant to post here originally before I made my mistake (sorry Cherise!)....
I should be done my last exam in 12 hours!!!! I can hardly wait!! So, what am I doing writing this instead of sleeping or studying? I don't know. I think I'm going crazy...I started talking to myself in an English accent before. Did I just admit that out loud? Oh well, now you can all know how much my brain has fried....I'll never be the same again. I dreamt the other night that I was a mechanic. Maybe that's what I'll do if I don't get into the faculty of Nursing. I'll go to Mechanic School. I also want to take Polish...so maybe I could move to Poland and be a mechanic there. Sounds like fun to me...Oh, I forgot that today was my grandpa's birthday...I guess technically it was yesterday (friday). Oops I missed it. Well, I think I should sleep or at least do something useful.

It's a long one!

Here's a passage from the book, The Story We Find Ourselves In, by Brian D. McLaren.

"When we see his face, it will be a familiar face - the face of one who has intersected with every human being and invited us to leave our tragic stories of wasted possibilities behind, to become part of this better story. That's what he did when he walked on this earth: he invited everyone to become a part of God's better story of grace and glory...For prostitutes, the call of Jesus was to leave their story of men who pay for love, and to enter the story of God, who in love pays for us with his own life. For Pharisees, it was to leave their story of religiousity and superiority and rigidity and judgmentalism, their story that was exclusively focused on their own narrow little sect, and instead to enter God's broader and deeper and better story of grace and compassion and mercy and love for all people...For the rich - like the young ruler Jesus met - it was to abandon the hollow story of acquisition, and instead to enter God's better story of generosity. For farmers and shepherds, it was to realize that there's more to life than just planting seeds of wheat or tending flocks of sheep; instead, Jesus invited them to enter the bigger story of planting seeds of truth and seeking lost men and women, every one of whom is loved and counted and missed by God. For fishermen like Peter and Andrew and James and John, it was to trade in their story of catching fish for a bigger story of fishing for men and women, inviting them into God's story of ongoing creation and redemption...To everyone, Jesus issues an invitation to abandon the story they will lose themselves in, and instead, to enter the story they will find themselves in."

Wow, I didn't mean for that quote to get so long. I really like it though. Those were just some of the examples given in the book of people who were headed somewhere totally different and Jesus gave them a different perspective and it radically transformed the way they lived. Which brings me to the question: What story has Jesus invited me to abandon, in order to enter the story I will find myself in? This is a hard one for me because I became a believer at a young age and I don't remember much about my life before I met Christ. But I have met God many times where He has drastically changed my perspective since then, so I don't think there is only one thing. I will share one example of a process that God is taking me through. I believe that God wants me to abandon my apathetic-ness, in order to truly care about others enough to do something to help them. Not only in a physical sense (like being a nurse and caring for the sick and elderly) but also spiritually. I guess another big one would be giving up my own will, and seeking out God's will. Now the question for you is: What story has Jesus invited You to abandon, in order to enter the story that you will find yourself in?

Nostalgia!

Today I spend my last day with 'my' residents! There are such sweet ladies there, I'm going to miss them over the summer. I hope I can go back in fall. Today we just sat outside at visited. I met a new lady who grew up in Poland during the War! She had some amazing stories. I can't imagine having to go through all of that. It made me want to ask my grandparents about their childhood. I know that they didn't have to deal with the direct affects of war, but I still want to hear their stories about their growing up years in general. I think that's what I'll do this summer.

I went home this weekend and it felt so much like summer. I took my niece for a walk and we went the park. It was so nice to be outside. It reminded me of past summers...in a way it made me sad, because I know it'll never be the same again...but at the same time, I was excited for what this summer will bring. It seems that summer is the time to experience new and exciting things, and I don't think that this summer will disappoint. I can hardly wait!

I won an illusionist!

that's right...you heard me! I won the prize of an illusionist coming to my birthday party! Can you believe it? I laughed so hard when I heard that! OK, let me back up for those of you who are really lost. I submitted my 'hot 5 at 5' (or whatever it's called) to CHVN, not thinking I'd win or anything. But today they called me and told me that they were playing my songs, and that I had won a prize! So I won an illusionist! How crazy and bizarre is that? I'm still laughing...wow! so many funny things have happened to me lately. So, I guess my birthday party is going to be 'wild' one this year!!!! ha!! ha!! oh wow! i have nothing left to say. hope you had a good laugh!

Kittens for Sale!

I just got a call from a man who asked me if we still had kittens! Apparently he saw an advertisement for some kittens with our phone number on it. Hopefully it was his mistake and not a typo on the ad. Otherwise we might be getting 'cat calls' all week! hee hee!

Lately God has been reminding me a lot about his great love for me, the joy he has given us. God is so much bigger and complex than us, which is amazing in itself...but it also makes all His other attributes so much more amazing (like His love for us). Human love is so conditional, but God's isn't. How amazing!! I was reading in Isaiah today. Chapter 55 just stuck out to me. I've heard (and read) this passage many times before, but usually in snippets; not all together. I found it so amazing and uplifting!
Here's verses 8-13:
"My thoughts are completely different from yours," says the LORD. "And my ways are far beyond anything you could imagine. For just as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts higher than your thoughts. The rain and snow come down from the heavens and stay on the ground to water the earth. They cause the grain to grow, producing seed for the farmer and bread for the hungry. It is the same with my word. I send it out, and it always produces fruit. It will accomplish all I want it to, and it will prosper everywhere I send it. You will live in joy and peace. The mountains and hills will burst into song, and the trees of the field will clap their hands! Where once there were thorns, cypress trees will grow. Where briers grew, myrtles will sprout up. This miracle will bring great honor to the LORD's name; it will be an everlasting sign of his power and love."

Spring: how do I love thee?

Let me count the ways....
so that's my attempt at appreciating poetry. seriously though, I went to school without a jacket and I even brought out the flip-flops!! Then we drove past some people playing catch outside! I almost cried! I want to play baseball sooooo badly! That would make my day! I love this time of year! Speaking of love...spring is the time when love is in the air...so they say. I'm reading this book, (which I've been slowly reading for a long time) called "the Knowledge of the Holy." by A.W. Towzer. Yesterday I read the chapter about the love of God. It was super amazing! Here is a snippet...actually it's a prayer, and I was really touched by it.

"Our Father which art in heaven, we Thy children are often troubled in mind, hearing within us at once the affirmations of faith and the accusations of conscience. We are sure that there is in us nothing that could attract the love of One as holy and as just as Thou art. Yet Thou hast declared Thine unchanging love for us in Christ Jesus. If nothing in us can win Thy love, nothing in the universe can prevent Thee from loving us. Thy love is uncaused and undeserved. Thou art Thyself the reason for the love wherewith we are loved. Help us to believe the intensity, the eternity of the love that has found us. Then love will cast out fear; and our troubled hearts will be at peace, trusting not in what we are but in what Thou hast declared Thyself to be. Amen."

Critical Thinking

A couple of weeks ago I had a lecture about critical thinking. It was weird, because critical thinking seems like a common sense thing (...but I guess we also had a lecture about caring in that class as well...) I guess it's strange to actually be taught something that most people expect you to know how to do. During the class, I came to the realization that I'm not a good critical thinker. Unless somebody or something forces me to think about things, I won't. I would sooner sit back and let life happen and experience it, than "waste" my time thinking about things and analyzing them. I know that it's not really a waste of time, but sometimes I feel like it is. I think that I miss valuable lessons when I don't look for things in my day to learn from. On the other hand, I don't want to get so focused on that, that I forget to just live and enjoy life...I think that there should be a healthy medium. Ok, so now I feel like I'm actually a pretty good critical thinker because I've done my analyzing for the day....but I don't really think that's enough. I think that critical thinking is a lifestyle. I can't just say, "I've done my critical thinking for the day, now I can sit back and relax". I think that the part that I'm bad at is critically thinking about everything (for example, what I am being taught at school, at church, and what I watch on TV, etc...). Come to think of it, I like sitting down and analyzing things (like now)...but when it comes to the everyday things that I allow myself to be influenced by, I don't really act as if it's necessary. I think I've talked in a circle now...but that's okay, I'm trying to sort out my thoughts, and sometimes it comes out like: "the air in the tires makes the pressure increase" (with wildly waving hand gestures.) *In other words...my thoughts don't always make sense once they exit my brain.*

COF Medicine

I should write a book entitled, "Curing the Common COF". Wait, I don't have a cure...I just thought the title was catchy. I'm in the process of writing my last paper for the year! Isn't that super exciting!?! It's my German paper. It's pretty boring to write because whenever I think of something I want to write about, my professor's voice comes into my head and says, "you haven't learned how to say that yet!" I like her; she makes me laugh. Also, ich muss jetzt mein Referat schreiben. Tschuss!

Easter

The only way to describe this weekend would be that is was wonderful! On Friday, we had a Tenebrae Service in our church. The sanctuary was mostly dark with 7 candles in the front. As the crucifixion story was told, the candles were snuffed out, except for the last one, which was carried out at the end to symbolize the death of Christ. Then it was brought back in. So, it was really dark. It really made me think about death. Too often when we think about Easter we read about the torture and the death that Jesus endured and then quickly go on to the resurrection part. Of course, without the resurrection, we have no hope and no salvation. At the same time, too often we forget about the reality of death in that story. I guess that part really stuck out for me this year because the effects of death is still fresh in my mind. When I think about Britt and Jordan and Jamie, their death is real, and incredibly tragic, to me. I'm still trying to grasp the concept of Jesus being dead.....never mind Him miraculously coming back to life. Yeah, so I sang one song in that service (with others of course)...and it could have gone better...but that's okay.

I had some gatherings...or should I say family "gath's"...All my cousins are getting married in summer. well, only two of them...but still, two new addition's to the gatherings changes the dynamics a whole lot!

Then came Sunday....a much anticipated day in my opinion. To be honest, I wasn't even that overly nervous, it just felt like something I needed to do and I was there to do it. I think all of the prayers helped. Thanks for praying for me guys! In case you're confused as to what I'm referring to....Marce, Kendra, Kyla, and Melissa and I were leading singing for the service. It went really well. I made my share of mistakes on the guitar...but it was okay. I get blown away every time we sing in church. Just seeing the faces of the people worshipping God through song is the most amazing experience! It gave me such a surge of joy and excitement. It also made me think about how much more amazing heaven is going to be...with billions and billions of people singing praises to God together!!! Wow! I can't imagine.

Well, now it's back to the grind again. deadlines are looming ahead of me. I wasted so much time today! I can't believe it. I think I sat in front of the TV for 7 hours today. well, I was sleeping for part of the time...but still, that's disgusting. Sometimes I gross myself out. No more TV for me this week....well, until my papers for the week are finished.

What a funny day!

Where do I even start to explain the hilariousness of my day? I almost fear putting it into words, because it won't do it justice. But I'll try. I went to my evening class today and it was okay. I was really tired because I stayed up until 5am to finish writing a paper that was due today. (I guess it could be a possibility that everything is funny today because of my lack of sleep...anyways...) Well, I made it through class without falling asleep. I always walk to the bus with this guy from my class. Last week we got to talking about McDonalds and I mentioned that I liked eating there. So today on the way to the bus stop he started rummaging through his backpack and he said, "I have something for you." I was really confused. Then he pulled out a sheet of coupons for McDonalds! I had no words to say. I had to suppress my inner giggling, and politely said thanks. What a guy! He makes me laugh! OK, so then we waited for the bus and eventually it came. When I got on the bus I saw a friend of my cousin's (who I've met only once before). I said hi, and kept going, intending to sit with my friend from my class. Well he (Guy #2) starts talking to me and says, "Come sit here with me." I felt bad for leaving my other friend, but I went and sat with this other guy. It was really interesting to talk to him. Then, just before I had to get off the bus he asked for my email address. I didn't really know what to do, I don't really know this guy. Then I got off the bus and this strange man comes up to me and asks me directions to the nearest "theater house". So I attempted to direct him. So many weird and random things that happened to me in a matter of half an hour. I'm still shaking my head in disbelief and laughing. I hoped that the encounters of my day were at least a little entertaining for you and not too boring. I thought it was funny....but what don't I find funny? (that was a rhetorical question). Well, have a great Easter! I hope that this weekend will be a very special time for everyone!

I can strum!

I had such a great weekend! We went to watch the Prov vs. CMU ladies hockey game. I wanted to play so badly!! But it was fun to be on the other side of things too, and cheer the ladies on! Then we practiced for singing in church! Wow do my fingers have good calluses now! Derek is such an amazing guitar player! And Melissa is so amazing at the piano! They inspire me. I want to be able to play like them! Derek taught me some new strumming patterns! I just need to practice, practice, practice, and then I'm set to go!

On Sunday I went to an amazing church service! I went to a church I had never been to before and I really enjoyed it! I felt so excited to be worshipping Jesus together with so many other people even though I didn't know them.

Today my mom came and visited me. I love my mom! She brought me supper and then did the dishes for me. I told her not to do them, but she did it anyways. I felt bad because she didn't have to do my work for me. I think that her love language is service, so I should just accept her kind gesture because that is her way of showing me that she cares. I still don't know what my love language is. Maybe it's spending time with people.....I don't really know. I think that I figured it out last year, but I forgot already. I'll have to think about it some more.

a little different

I just attempted to use my technological abilities to change my template. To be honest, I didn't really know what I was doing or why I was doing it. Well, my computer did some wacky things...but eventually I think it ended up working. We'll see how this holds up. Hope you like it.

Well, my sister is coming over for night tonight. So I guess I should do some more productive things with my time before she comes...like homework and cleaning ;)

Shaking in my boots

It hit me today: I'm going to be playing guitar in church on Easter Sunday. That is a scary, yet wonderful thought. I admit, I'm not very good at guitar. I know the basic D, C, G, A chords....that's about it. Strumming?....my own made up strumming patterns are okay when I'm just playing for myself. How am I ever going to be a part of a group leading singing without REAL strumming patterns??? I don't know!! It makes me very nervous....maybe nervous enough to pull out my prestissimo version of "God of Wonders"! (ha! ha!). Don't worry girls, I'll go slower this time. I really hope that Derek can teach me something this weekend when we have our practice. But still, that means I only have one week to practice real strumming patterns...or whatever else he teaches me. I know it doesn't have to be perfect, but I know how distracted I get sometimes when worship bands aren't very together. Oh Jesus, help me not to be hung up on small details, but do everything as an act of worship to You. Thank you for using us through our weaknesses.

Lori's favorite things

So I was bowling today with 'my' seniors. Often we listen to music when we bowl, today we were listening to the Sound of Music soundtrack. I had forgotten how much I love that movie. I haven't seen it in a long time...oh for school to be done so that I can sit down and relax without feeling guilty about not doing the work I know I should be doing....Well, I was sitting here trying to write a paper and I had the "favorite things" song in my head. To get my creative juices flowing I decided to write my own verse to the tune of that song....you're right, I was just procrastinating, but maybe this will improve my linguistic excellence for my paper. (Sorry that it doesn't rhyme, I'm not that good.)

Chicken in stirfry
And bowling with seniors.
Stories from roommates
And German Professors
Taking a walk without
Wearing a toque
These are a few of my favorite things

When the wind bites,
When the (home)work's tough,
When I'm feeling sad
I simply remember my favorite things
And then I don't feel so bad.

just a picture on the fridge

today in my intro to nursing class we learned how to take blood pressure. i had already learned how to do it in physiology, but it was still exciting!! I can hardly wait until i get to do that for real!

the other day i was thinking about recognizing who God is. I was thinking about how last year, when my niece was learning to recognize who people were, I was gone at school. So, instead of learning who I was, whenever anyone asked her who Auntie Lori was, she pointed to my picture on the fridge. That was fine, but when I actually came over and the same question was asked, she would still point to the picture. She hadn't made the connection that Auntie Lori was a real person and that it was me. By now, she knows that I am Auntie Lori in person, but it took a while for her to catch on to that. What does this have to do with recognizing God? Well, I was thinking about how when Jesus came to earth, alot of people didn't recognize him as the Son of God. The religious people had studied the Torah. They knew all about God and who He was, but they didn't recognize that Jesus was God. Instead of pointing to a picture on the fridge, they pointed to the Torah and missed out on the fact that God wasn't restricted by the Torah. In fact the Torah was there so that they would recognize God when He came to them face to face. I don't know if that analogy makes sense to you, but it challenged me to think about the ways I put restrictions on God in my life. Would I recognize Him if He came face to face with me? I hope and pray that I would. Those are my thoughts for today.

so many things...

..but how do i put them into words? i don't think that i can put into words exactly what's going on in my head...i don't even know where to start...perhaps i need to think some more.

here is a really inspiring song that i heard on the radio. it's called "One Pure and Holy Passion" and i think that the band is called Passion (i'm not quite sure about that though). Anyways, here are the lyrics:

"Give me one pure and holy passion
Give me on magnificent obsession
Give me one glorious ambition for my life
To know and follow hard after You

To know and follow hard after you
To grow as your disciple in your truth
This world is empty, pale, and poor
Compared to knowing you, my Lord
Lead me on and I will run after you
Lead me on and I will run after you"

the age-old question

"Then the Lord answered Job from the whirlwind: 'Who is this that questions my wisdom with such ignorant words? Brace yourself, because I have some questions for you, and you must answer them. Where were you when I laid the foundations of the earth? Tell me, if you know so much. Do you know how its dimensions were determined and who did the surveying? What supports its foundations, and who laid its cornerstone as the morning stars sang together and all the angels shouted for joy? Who defined the boundaries of the sea as it burst from the womb, and as I clothed it with clouds and thick darkness? For I locked it behind barred gates, limiting its shores. I said, 'Thus far and no farther will you come. Here your proud waves must stop!'...Then Job replied to the Lord, 'I am nothing-how could I ever find the answers? I will put my hand over my mouth in silence.'" (Job 38:1-11; 40:3-4)

I don't think I'm alone with the questions of "why?" Why does God allow bad things happen to good, godly people? I don't know. I was reading in Job today and got the overwhelming feeling that although it's okay to wonder why something happened, it's not okay to question God's authority/judgment in allowing it to happen. We aren't capable of understanding God's ways, and by questioning his authority, we are saying that OUR plan is better than His Divine Plan. Right now, Jordan, Jamie and Brittany are in the very presence of their Creator, something we can't even comprehend! Although this knowledge doesn't stop the hurt, it is reassuring to know that they are in a better place!

Oh Father in Heaven, may we be able to praise You through our hard times. May the tragedies that come our way not taint our perception of who You are, but rather allow us to see You more clearly. I pray that the Klassen and Fehr family would feel Your Presence during this time.